Charity Work!
by Xx.Mystique.xX
Summary: Just a funny and stupid story i came up with when i was watching t.v. XD Title was 'Who's the weakest' decided to make it a story! the guild is doing some episodes of series and comedy acting to help raise money for charity! Pairings included: LaMi, GruVia, NaLu, GaLe! ENJOY! R&R! OR I'LL HAUNT YOU IN YOUR SLEEP XD MWAHAHAHA XD SO R&R! stupid summary good story XD i hope XD
1. Who's the weakest?

**Just a stupid story I came up with when I was watching T.V XD since I have writers block I didn't write another chapter in my other story DX so to make it up to you I came up with this comedy one-shot! ENJOY! R&R! **

Erza was wearing black, also holding a whip?! And she's following Natsu? What happened? Oh right now I remember, let's go back to the early morning were the guild was holding and episode of a series called 'Who's the Weakest?'

"Welcome to another episode of 'Who's the weakest'." Erza said as she hit the floor with the whip she has. "Only one of you 3 will leave with a winning price with almost 160,000 dollars." Hit the floor with a whip, "And the others will leave with nothing," hit the floor with a whip, "Nobody has the right to think that you came here to have fun," Hit the floor with the whip, "or talk a lot over here," Hit the floor with a whip.

Natsu, Gray, and Gajeel scrambled behind the big table; after Erza hit the ground with a whip again they all stood in their places.

"Um, e-excuse me?" Natsu said shivering.

"Yes?" Erza said.

"Je puex allet au toilet?" (A/N: I Know that's wrong, I did it on purpose XD)

Then Erza walked up to Natsu holding the whip, then Gray came and stood in front of Natsu while running from the hits of her whip.

"O-oi, Erza c-calm down, he only wants to use the toilet." Gray exclaimed running from Erza.

"I said we're not here to have fun or talk, now stand behind the table."

"He-he's going."

Then she whipped the ground.

"C-calm down."

Then Natsu was going to the bathroom, Erza held him from his hair and took him to the table, "I said stand behind the table."

"Go to your place Natsu." Gray said with a hint of pleading in his eyes.

"TO YOUR PLACE!" Then again, she whipped the floor. "We're going to start with the first round and you have 2 minutes and 30 seconds." Then she whipped the ground, "In Who's the weakest."

"We're going to start with names according the alphabets with our contestant Gajeel!"

"Me?!" He asked shivering. "W-why me? Don't mind me start with Gray, why me?"

"Keep dreaming." Gray replied.

"I chose you because those are the rules and now I prefer you shut up." Whip, "Now let's start with Who's the weakest."

"The time started, Gajeel, What's the color of the orange color?" She said.

"Uh, Bank." He said still shivering.

"WRONG!" Again with the whip, "The color orange is orange. Gray, in sports."

Gray smiled knowing he can answer anything that contains sports. Or so he thought.

"Who won the match in football on 2002?"

"Germany?" He said smiling.

"NO! Brazil." Whip. "Natsu, in science, what does the human needs to breath so he can live?"

"The smell of garbage?"

"WRONG! Oxygen." Whip. "Gajeel, in politics,"

"Egypt!" Gajeel stopped her in mid-sentence.

"Gray, in geography, Were is the Chinese great wall found?"

"Uh, in Turkey?"

"WRONG! In china of course." Whip.

"How should I know it's in found in china?!"

Whip!

"Gajeel, in eco-"

"BANK!"

"No it's no-" Natsu was cut when Erza hit the ground with her whip and yelled,

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" The she sighed. "On 'shut the fuck up' the time was finished. Okay now it's time to find out who's the weakest, the most idiot one, who thinks like a donkey, and the one who's an insult for every person out there." Whip!

"From total 160,000 dollars you got NOTHING!" Whip.

"You mean zero?" Natsu said.

"ZERO!"

"I said Bank 2 times." Gajeel exclaimed.

Whip.

"Now it's time for you," whip, "To think," whip, "and choose," whip, "who's the weakest between of you!"

After seconds of waiting for the 3 of them to write the names they showed them to Erza.

Gajeel wrote his name, Natsu wrote his name, and Gray wrote his name.

"Gajeel." Gajeel said.

"Nastsu." Natsu said.

"Gray." Gray said.

"Natsu, why Natsu?" She asked.

"What?" Natsu asked confused.

"Natsu, why Natsu?" she repeated.

"I-I have a family I need to take care of, p-please just let me leave."

"Shut up" Then she looked at Gajeel, "Gajeel, why Gajeel?"

"I-I know I'm stupid so I thought why stay here?"

"It's the first time I see people," Whip, "This weak and act like whimps," Whip, " Since it's a draw between the names, I'll choose and say who's the weakest. Natsu, you're the weakest." Whip.

"THANK YOU, THANK YOU SO MUCH, MAY GOD BE WITH YOU!"

"Natsu, stay! You lucky bastard." Gray said.

Then people came and took Natsu outside, screams of agony, hurt, and hitting was heard, after they finished hurting Natsu they put him in front of the camera and hit him on his shoulder and told him to speak.

"W-well, the competition was fair, and um, Gray was a strong contestant, and if Gray and Gajeel kept competing I'll say Gray will win since he's smarter." Natsu said with a bruised eye and cheek.

Then they hit him on the shoulder again.

"A-and I say people should compete too in this competition, thank you."

After that he left the camera while laughing.

"HAHAHAHAHA THAT WAS FUN TO DO!" Natsu laughed.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU MADE GAJEEL LOOK LIKE A WHIMP!" Gray continued.

"Shut the fuck up!" Gajeel groaned.

"Great acting guys, I'm going to go and eat some strawberry cake, when our break is done come and call me!" Erza said as she went to the bar to ask Mira for cake.

"I wonder were Lucy is?" Natsu said.

"LOVER BOY!" Gray and Gajeel said as they laughed.

"SHUT UP WHIMPS!"

"NATSU!" Lucy said coming his way while waving her hand, as she came closer she threw herself on him and he held her close to him.

After they let go Lucy looked at him and smiled and he grinned back at her.

"You were great, I really thought they were hurting you."

"Well I think I'm a good actor." He said grinning.

"You llllllike each other." Happy butted in.

They both blushed.

"OKAY PEOPLE PLACES, WE'RE ON IN 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…" Mira said.

_**IMPORTANT NOTE PLEASE READ:**_

**Okay guys I want to know if you want this as a story or not, if yes then romance will be included, GRUVIA, NALU AND GALE! PLEASE TELL ME I REALLY NEED TO KNOW!**

**R&R!**

**PEACE I'M OUT!**

**JA NE!**


	2. Dating problems!

**Hey guys! I decided to make it as a story, pairings that I'll change the summery and the title name! anyway enjoy! XD**

Laxus stood on the stage holding a mice, it was his turn to do something, act, sing… let's hope not!

He then chose to come up with jokes about boys and girls outside Magnolia!

"Okay, hey people! It's me. Laxus Dreyer, I'll do some comedy today. So hope you listen and have fun."

He then walked to the mid-stage and held the mice, "I'll talk about problems that you experience when you TRY to ask a girl out. Okay, so you want to ask a girl out that's how it starts, you want to ask her out you don't ask her in, you ask her out, and then if things go well you ask her in and that's how it works." (A/N: did you find out what I meant of asking her in? XD)

"And when a guy wants to ask a girl out you know he's going to from like a mile away, because first of all our hair we cut it, and you know it's like perfectly jelled. And we got like a new prada shirt, just like to show we have money just so you know, but we don't so we get one that says prado."

"So you go up to the woman, you go up to her. God I remember once, I was still going to a university, and there I had one of the most devastating experiences of my life."

"I remember I go up to this woman, and you know, she was like a vision you know, I swear I was looking at her and was like 'Wow, this girl, she's beautiful' I was like 'I wanna ask this girl out, were is my prado t-shirt? We're gonna put this on, let's go, it's on.'"

"So I went right up to her, full of confidence, and she was sitting there, her name is Mira. If any of you know this woman. And she was sitting down and I go right up to her I'm like 'Hey Mira! How are you?'"

"And immediately immediately, god bless her soul, she made me feel very comfortable and she was like 'Ugh!' and I was like 'I was wondering if I can like have your number so I can ask you out! We can go to the KFC or something!' Cause I didn't have any money."

"So I go up to her and I'm all like can I ask you out? You know she didn't want to go out with me, but she did it in a nice typical rejection way like 'Hahahaha! YOU? Hahahaha' and her girlfriends will all be like 'HIM? HAHAHAHA! High five!'"

"And then I was gone, I went to my friend and was like 'Dude, this girl, she rejected me, she was like snotty pep-ens over me! He's like 'Man this is good.' And I'm like 'what?!' and he's like 'This girl obviously likes you.' I was like 'WHAT?!' and he's again like 'Then the girl obviously likes you' I swear that he told me this I didn't make it up 'Girls were we live, you have to piss them off' I was like 'Man!' That's what he said."

"I was like 'I'm not just going to urinate all over a girl it's not like 'hey Mira how are you? I was wondering..' I mean I don't want to go with the 'hahaha! You?' all over again. And he said that girls think that 'if I said yes immediately he'll think I'm a hooker!' So, what she does is she rejects you and then she comes to you and you reject her and then you come to her and she rejects you, and you do this you reject each other for like 2 or 3 weeks and then it's on."

"And how do you know it's on, she miss calls you at like 4 o'clock in the morning, okay? That's how it works, these are the rules, you know, you'll be sitting and you'll have your phone besides you, and it's like 4 in the morning and you're manly ringtone, and then you'll be like 'oh my god! Oh my god! Hello!' and the caller will be like 'Um hello! Is Jack here?' and you'll be like 'SON OF A BITCH!' You got this calls at 4 in the morning?"

"It's like 'Hey there young boy' and the other is like 'hey!' and then 'are you playing with yourself!' (A/N: with it! XD) and then you'll be like 'what did you just say? What did you just say to me?'"

"But that's what they do, you know! And then the next morning the girls get together in a group and that ladies and gentlemen is where a nuclear weapon should be tested or something! Women in a group should not be allowed to exist nor now nor in the future, when women get in a group it's for one reason only! It's for one purpose only, to make a man cry!"

"Okay? Alright? Damn you women! You know a man's going to cry when a group of women get together! They get together, they even write it up on a board! They'll have a board with a marker and they'll be like 'Ok, his name's John' and the other's like 'underline it' and then she'll say 'Good idea!' and they even do poses!"

"And they do it, and they even draw out a strategy, bloopers and everything! And then they get together and the main girl will be like 'I called him this morning!' and the other girls are like 'Tell me what happened next!' and she'll reply 'I let it ring one time' and the other will be like 'Right on girl! Last time Mira let it ring twice, he never called her back! So what happened next?' and she'll answer 'Well he called me back, and I hung up on him!' and then the other will jump in happiness and be like 'YES! RIGHT ON GIRL! GIVE ME HIGH BREAST! COME ON GIVE ME!'"

"They high breast each other, I didn't make it up this is what you women do! In my dreams!" after he finished he gave and the laughs died down he gave his thanks and went down on the stares of the stage only to be greeted by an angry mob of girls from the guild.

He laughed nervously, "Hehe, I-I can explain."

"Then do it!" Mira said as she crossed her arms.

"Well I didn't have a topic or anything and I couldn't find anything else."

"So you make fun of us?" she said obviously furious, "And you dare use my own name?"

Again he laughed nervously, "Hehe, oh look ji-ji is calling me, bye I have to go!" By that he ran away, but oh, no the girls will get revenge one way or another.

Good luck Laxus!

**HOPE YOU ENJOYED IT! XD IT WAS A LITTLE FUNNY XD AND THE IDEA IS FROM A PERFORMANCE I WENT TO! XD THE MAN WAS DAMN FUNNY! ANYWAY R&R! IT'LL GIVE ME IDEAS!**

**PEACE I'M OUT!**

**JA NE!**


	3. Japan Vs Magnolia!

**Here's chappy 3! Hope you enjoy it! Enjoy! XD**

Chapter 3: Japan Vs Magnolia

"Ugh, that damn Laxus, how dare he humiliate us like that?" Mira said.

"We should have revenge!" Lucy exclaimed.

"Oh and I have the perfect plan for that." Cana said.

After Cana told them the plan both of them smirked evilly.

"It'll be my pleasure to do it." Mira said.

Then Lucy gave her the mice and smirked.

"Then do it."

After that Mira went to the stage holding the mice and all of them started cheering.

"Hey guys, it's nice to be here, now for our last show, I'm going to do like Laxus some comedy, but my main idea is different it's about the men in Japan vs the men in Magnolia." Mira smirked and then she started.

"You go to a rave or you go to places in Magnolia, they're always fighting, lots of fights happens in this country, but fighting in war you shouldn't look down on it it's in the art, Japan for instance, basically studied war of fighting for over 2,000 years"

"Through the art of the samurai, I have today for you to display a beautiful katana samurai to sword right here" then she went Cana and she gave her a sword.

"Now ladies and gentlemen, what we're going to do now is show the minor differences between the Japanese culture in fighting, and the Magnolian way of fighting."

"Now the katana blade is a beautiful instrument as you can see, now the Japanese believe that the samurai worrier with every katana that he has every blade that he wields his spirit becomes infused with the blade, and as the blade get passed from every generation to generation, it becomes more powerful."

"Now the Japanese when they come to make a fight they stand in front of each other and bow to their enemy, they'll assume the position, and they would withdraw, now the Japanese fighter will take his sword and assume the stance of war,"

"And the language becomes more taunting, it'll be like this 'Anata wa yoriyoi kōfuku watashi wa anata o koroshimasu' then if the enemy didn't surrender he will make his mood, withdraw the blood from his sword, and replace his sword and in one blow bow and walk away."

"Now, let's analyze for a moment if I may the Magnolian fighter, the Magnolian believe that with every plate of humus the spirit of the fighter will become more infused. And as this plate is passed from generation to generation, there will be highly a doubt that it wouldn't break since it's made from clay,"

"so it doesn't get passed that much, now when a Magnolian fight begins, the Magnolian man is handed this sword, let's say he's handed this very sword, he takes this sword, and he's presented with it to the enemy, and immediately immediately it's on."

"He'll grab the sword, and look at his opponent strait in the eye, and the fight begins, 'What did you say about my sister bastard? What did you say? Do you know who I am? Do you? Do you bastard? What is this? Answer me!' He will say showing him his sword then he will answer his own answer by saying 'This is a stick! It's a stick! I will hit you with it!'"

" 'Don't play with fire very ouchie, very ouchie' Very ouchie? Very ouchie? Probably a song against firefighters or something. Don't play with fire, painful ouchie, painful ouchie. I mean seriously, some boys are just disgrace for humanity."

After the laughs died down and Mira thanked the audience "Thank you everybody for coming, the money we raised today will certainly help the charity! Again thank you!"

By that Mira left the stage and was greeted by smiling and laughing girls, Lucy was the first one to react and hugged Mira for taking revenge on the last show today.

After a while a mob of angry boys came.

"WE DO NOT FIGHT LIKE THAT!" Natsu shouted.

"Oh suck it up Natsu." Lucy said.

"I can't believe you made fun of fire, and I'M A FIRE MAGE!"

"Calm down brats, I was very disappointed in both genders, but you're now even so scramble away and never talk about this again, now GO!" by that both genders went their own way.

The next day Lucy didn't find Natsu on her bed, she gotta admit she did miss his warmth. And when all of them were at the guild, nobody from the opposite gender decided to talk to the other.

They got themselves in big trouble.

"This is going to be a looong day, or week!" Master said starring at his '_children'_ from the second floor!

**OOOOOH! I smell trouble XD anyway hope you liked it! And now the prologue chappies are done FINALLY! ROMANCE WILL COME NOW MWAHAHAHAHA XD NALU, GRUVIA, MILA, AND MANY OTHERS JUST TELL ME YOUR FAVORITE COUPLE AND I'LL MAKE SURE TO ADD THEM!**

**R&R**

**PEACE I'M OUT!**

**JA NE!**

**P.S. Anata wa yoriyoi kōfuku watashi wa anata o koroshimasu means You better surrender or I'll kill you… I think XD **

**And humus is a kind of food in Lebanon.**


	4. Pick a side

**Hey guys! Sorry but this is a short snce I had to study and again sorry if I didn't update my other chappies but I'm working on another story! XD ANYWAY ENJOY!**

Chapter 4:

Girls sat at the right side of the guild while the boys sat on the left side of the guild.

Both refusing to talk to the other gender. Not even Mira was standing behind the bar.

Just then the 2 huge big doors opened revealing 2 short figures and one flying exceed.

"Tadaima- minna?" the little boy said in a questioning tone after he saw how everyone was acting. "What is going on here?" He asked puzzled.

Nobody answered him, then he walked to the bar with the blue haired girl walking beside him.

"W-where is Mira-san?" He asked.

"I'm here Romeo-kun, but I won't serve any of those animals on the left side. So they won't think I make POSES a lot." Mira answered. Romeo just sweat dropped. "Oh and Wendy-chan don't talk to the other gender until THEY apologize."

"Apologize for what? For you telling lies about us?!" Laxus said.

"Oh please! Why should we apologize for your sorry ass?" Lucy said.

"Says the one with no sex appeal." Natsu said.

"Oh please, I have more sex appeal on my pinky than you have on your whole body."

"You're just jealous of our manliness." Elfman said pumping his fist in the air.

"That doesn't even make sense." Evergreen retorted.

"Don't come crying to us when you need someone to save your sexy-" Laxus said while looking at Mira's butt and continued, "asses."

Mira flushed red, then she shouted, "Like we need help from people who think a sword is a stick!"

"THAT WAS ONLY ONE TIME! ONE TIME ONLY!" Natsu shouted.

"Well one time turns into 100 times for you." Lucy interjected.

"W-what is going in?" Wendy, Romeo, and Charla said in sync.

"If only master didn't band me from using my armors in this situation, only the bunny suit I would've destroyed THEM!" Erza yelled.

Then Cana sweat dropped and said "That's why you're wearing a bunny suit!"

"Now Wendy-chan, Romeo-kun, pick a side, boys or girls? If you picked girls, I'll make you free food whatever you want for a month." Mira said.

"Don't listen to them son, Wendy come with us, they will only brain wash you." Macao said.

The girls just huffed. "COME ON BOTH OF YOU!" They all yelled together.

Wendy was hesitant than she yelled, "I-I PICK THE GIRLS!" Then the girls started cheering.

"Okay Romeo-kun it's all up to you, free food for a month, or paying double the amount of money for food." Lucy said.

Natsu looked at Lucy then thought, _Why doesn't she call me Natsu-kun?_

_HUH! WHAT THE HECK AM I THINKING?!_

"I, um, I-I pick th-the um, I pick the GIRLS!"

"HELL YEA! IN YO FACES LOSERS." The girls cheered again.

"WHAT? Why?" Macao yelled.

"They said free food, how could I refuse that?! And also, um, Wendy-chan is with the girls." He mumbled the last part, the girls just giggled while he blushed.

"I'll go with the girls then." Happy said flying to the girls side.

"What? Happy why?" Natsu asked.

"Charla is in the girl side, DUH!"

"HA! GIRL POWER RULES!" Cana yelled smirking.

"And they say we don't have sex appeal." Lissana said.

"Yeah right, they're just jealous cause they can't touch." Cana smirked.

"Nu-uh, I touched Luce's boobs once AND I sleep with her almost every day." Natsu said crossing his arms on his chest in victory while Lucy just blushed furiously and the others just jaw dropped, eyes widened, or fainted from shock.

"WHAT?!" They yelled.

"BAKA! NATSU!" Lucy yelled while hugging her chest remembering that moment when Mira was teaching them take over, and he changed into her and touched her boobs.

"THEN IT IS TRUE!" Mira yelled.

"Well, part of it, you can say yes, and um-" Lucy was saying but Erza interrupted her and changed into her 'Heaven wheels armor'

"This is a different situation, I can use my armor, Natsu WILL FACE PUNISHMENT!" Erza said.

"WAIT ERZA! IT'S NOT TRUE!"

"it's not?"

"Well not all part of it!"

"SO IT IS TRUE! NATSU COMME OUT HERE!"

"NO WAIT!"

But too late Erza already attacked Natsu while the others recovered from the shock while mumbling something about 'Lucky bastard, he got to touch her' While Lucy tried to hide herself.

**HOPE YOU LIKED IT! IT HAD HUMOR! YAY! PLEASE R&R! XD**

**PEACE I'M OUT!**

**JA NE!**


	5. A naked conversation

**SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT! I HAD A LOT OF STUDYING TO DO! DX BUT HERE'S CHAPPY 5! SO WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, CHAPPY 5! ENJOY!**

Chapter 5: A naked conversation

"I can't believe you and Natsu did 'it' and you didn't tell me!" Mira said as she pouted.

"Ugh! For the last time, WE. NEVER. DID. ANYTHING!" Lucy said in desperation.

"But that's not what Natsu said, and you even agreed!" She said as she pointed an accusing finger at Lucy.

"Ugh! I GIVE UP!"

"You never told us you were in THAT kind of relationship. Eh? Eh?" Cana said as she elbowed Lucy while smirking.

"I said I give up, so I'm not going to try and prove you wrong."

"AHA! SHE ADMITTED!" Levy said jumping from her place. "You traitor, and we said we're against the boys."

"I didn't do anything, and he didn't sleep with me yesterday so I didn't talk to him yet."

Everyone's eyes widened, and they yelled in sync, "YOU SLEEP TOGETHER?"

"NOT LIKE THAT!"

"Then what do you mean?" Erza said in her deadly aura.

"W-well, he sneaks in my room at night and sleeps beside me." Lucy said shivering.

The girls around them squealed, and started saying 'He llllikes her.' Completely forgetting about the competition and all.

With the boys it was different, completely different.

"YOU BASTARD! HOW DARE YOU GET LAID BEFORE ME!" Yup, and that sentence just proved my point.

"Shut up ice brain, I just slept with her, nothing major." Natsu replied.

"NOTHING MAJOR?!" The guys yelled in sync.

"You got to see her naked, and you say nothing major?! She got the biggest boobs between almost all the girls in the guild." Laxus said smirking at his last sentence.

"Oh please, I even took a bath with her. So I'm used to seeing her naked." Natsu said as it was the most normal thing in the world to say to a man.

"YOU WHAT?" Again, they yelled in unison.

"Will you stop with the yelling, it's hurting my ears, I got sensitive ones you know." Natsu exclaimed while rubbing his hurting ears.

"You-you?! Please let me kill him." Gray said while looking at the guys.

"No we need him for information." Gajeel said smirking.

"What kind of information?" Laxus said confused.

Then Gajeel looked at Natsu, smirked evilly, then said, "Was she good?" While wiggling his eyebrows and elbowing him.

"Yup, she's amazing, she even smells good, and she's so cuddly and comfortable." Natsu said while smiling.

The boys jaws dropped. "I-I can't believe him." Gray said.

"Shut up, and let him continue."

Natsu looked weirdly at the guys as they saw them bickering with each other about 'It's not appropriate for him to say that information to us.'

And 'It's none of your business' also 'That Lucky bastard, how could Lucy accept someone like HIM, and not someone like ME?!'

**I KNOW SO SHORT BUT I'M SO SORRY! AND PLEASE BEAR WITH ME T.T PLEASE R&R SO I CAN UPDATE MORE AND LONGER CHAPPIES XD SO R&R!**

**PEACE I'M OUT!**

**JA NE!**


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